Win your home: no need to conquer the world.
One, who can win home, would win everything. One needs to win over hearts of every member. My first home is within me and second is where I live with a family. A clash free home itself is a temple of god. A home with good mutual dealings even if it is small hut looks nice whereas a big flat in posh Malabar hill area of Mumbai may appear like a cremation land or cremation house if interpersonal mutual dealings are not good and cordial. So win your own home and world need not be conquered.
Husband-wife
At home husband- wife is a unique and pious relation.
It should be in a form of best friendship and the best companionship (with loyalty and sincerity to each other) throughout various phases of life.
In a way it is nature's arrangement and adjustment. Male form having certain natural abilities and certain needs and female form with some other abilities and some needs are interdependent and complimentary to each other in nature's scheme. That is how in Aryan culture and in other cultures each one is regarded as better half of the other one. Aryan culture has considered this as most valuable companionship for all 4 main purposes of life. (Spiritual, earning, sensual pleasures and liberation or salvation.)
What should be an ideal scenario?
Husband should have care and concern for happiness and well being of wife and family. Wife also should have same for husband and family. There should be love, unconditional love.
One who disrupts happy family life has lost the very basic properties of husband or wife. If you break a pot or a mug by throwing it in anger, you can buy a new one. Here it is not a pot or a mug but blind in rage, one loses the sense of good and bad or of what is worth doing and what is not.
Successful or profitable situation is one where each one gets feeling of hearty love for each other, which increases with time and lasts till end. Love means dedication, devotion, trust and care. Today most often it is not the case.
It is worthwhile quoting here A. M. Patel’s one real life incidence even before he was enlightened. Hiraba, his wife, lost her one eye right in the young age. People started asking A.M.Patel if he would like to re-marry as Hiraba has already lost her one eye right in the young age. His answer was: “I have promised in-presence of sacred fire and even if she loses her other eye, I would take care of her. I would sacrifice this one life for that promise.” So this is the difference in understanding and life values. Again it is in our own ‘self interest’.
Two ‘I’ remain separate
Husband and wife marries with each other and (try to?) become one. But two ‘I’ i.e. ego do not merge and stay separate. As long as ego of each one is adjustable, friendly, caring, sharing, cordial or loving, it is a win –win situation. But when one ego tries to win over, the puzzle may start. One should win by losing out. Husband should keep in heart” Let her win”. Wife should bear within “I have been won by him.”If Husband says “I am yours” and wife also reciprocates “I am also yours” then there would be heaven here only.
But most often it is a ‘give and take’ business. (like that of a merchant and a customer).As long as one can deliver goods, one is being loved, no sooner one fails in that, all love vanishes. It can be regarded as nothing but mere selfishness.
Not a single dispute in life
Gnani Purush Dadaji or A.M.Patel says,” I never had any dispute with Hiraba. I would never indulge into her department and she would never interfere in mine. She would not pinch me at what time I am getting up, where I am going and what business I am doing…. Likewise I also don’t keep on seeing what she does in kitchen, how much grocery she uses and so on and occasionally if she asks to take bath early, I would immediately do it, realizing there may be some reason.
Sometimes if tea has no sugar or less of it or curry has no salt, I would not tell her in a way which might hurt her but I would adjust. Later when she eats, she is to realize. So why to tell and hurt her? And every day it doesn’t happen so. Today it so happened owing to scientific circumstantial evidences. Like this I avoided conflict.
Once I also had an occasion, prone to pop up a difference of opinion, but settled agreeably. There was a marriage on her side. She asked me, what should be given as a gift? I replied, “Give that silver vessel which is lying with us and we may not purchase new.” This was disliked by her. She was furious: ‘Whenever someone marries on your side you give a lot, and it is only when it comes to my side, you do like this.’
I immediately realized that today I have failed as words like yours and mine came out. So I turned diagonally opposite, “I mean we give this silver vessel plus five hundred and one rupees as a cash gift.”
Now she says, “You are being too liberal. This is too much.”
So even by turning around I avoided dispute.
In the whole life we have used word ‘ours’, and never the words ‘yours’ and ‘mine’.
Husband should care for wife least her mind gets hurt. Wife should care for husband so that he is not hurt.
There is profound influence of mutual dealings and character of parents on children at home. Children do take note of disputes or tussles between them.
There are no courses or scriptures teaching you how to lead this basic aspect of life. You yourself have to learn it. You can learn by seeing and being with ones who are good at it.
(If one looks back to initiation of human civilization million years back, there was no society structure and no marriage institute. Lord Rishbhadev or Adinath (Adi means initial, beginner) for the first time taught people to form families and society groups. He taught people marriage arrangements and also declared that it would be unfair and unacceptable to enter physical relationship without legitimate marriage ceremony. Dada Bhagwan in present time said that if needed, one can marry more than one, but it should be a lawful spouse. One needs nothing more to go to a hell than an unlawful physical relationship.)
(Today at few places people are seen to be casual in making and breaking this relation. Also some have been losing faith in marriage institute. But there is danger of one becoming like a wandering animal hunting for food wherever available .And what about issues like personal steadiness (stability,) trustworthiness, family, children upbringing, or even health hazards? Marriage institute certainly is wisdom or farsightedness and not an unwanted bondage.)
Family organization
One should have knowledge or understanding of family organization. It is lacking quite often. One should know that living with disturbed minds, disputes or tension with each other is not a way of life. Find out why there is dispute with wife or with children? There should be fragrance in a family.
Fragrance means what? Everyone should be happy with each other. There are no clashes. All should be at peace, even you yourself should be at peace. Then only it has some meaning.
Love should be such that even if you scold, they feel love in that. Whereas here if you scold them for a while, matter goes to divorce.
At many places there is nothing like family organization. A son or daughter upon attaining age of 18 gets separated .Parents are separate and alone .Also if husband- wife do not get along well for a while then matter goes straight away to divorce. This is not a family life and not an ideal way to live. At home when everyone gives happiness, peace and love to one another and one feels the same from others, it is good family life.
Certified Parenthood
Even parenthood should be certified. ‘Certified’ means knowing how to deal with children, how to look after their overall upbringing- education or academic, practical, physical, moral, spiritual and all ¬sided healthy, harmonious development.
Beware; one has lots of responsibilities towards children. Parents have responsibilities more than those of a prime minister or a president.
As a matter of fact parents need to have powerful characters and value based living. If character of parents is good, on its own it will have impact on children without saying. Atmosphere in a home should be such as will positively influence children. So much so that thoughts and activities of a mother would influence a child right in the womb.
Glass-handle with care
Have you ever seen the words written on a parcel, “Glass¬ handle with care?” What happens if you throw that parcel? Likewise behave in a family. Minds of children are like glasses. If you hit at metal, at the most there will be a dent, which can be lifted up. But glass breaks. So if you are not adept and careful in your dealing, minds of children crack down within.
The way to improve anyone in the world is by means of love. Love means not one which the world believes. What is believed as love in common parlance is nothing but mere allurement or infatuation? In allurement there is waxing and waning and it is temporary, lasting only till beauty remains or expectations are met with. Love would have no ups and downs and is a pure entity free of expectations. With love everything becomes alright. One can win the world with pure love.
Actually children seek love, but as they fail to get it, they get diverted. With me there are many youngsters, all are attached with pure love of Dadaji.
Children's duties…..
We have greatest obligations from parents, especially from the mother.
Mother has carried us in her womb for nine months. When we were young, she may have sleepless nights and all her happiness, attention may have been centered on our needs or happiness. Mother is the idol of selfless love and dedication.
Whatever the scenario may be looking like, but obligations of parents need not be forgotten.
One who would respect and care for parents would be very happy in the world. Love, respect and care for parents and then teachers stand on top in all relative or worldly affairs.
Lord Mahavir taught first lesson of utmost respect and care for mother by way of His living. Dada Bhagwan also had highest respect, love and care for his mother Zaverba. All holy persons endorse same.
To ignore, disregard or disrespect parents and leave them alone in time of need is not only mere selfishness but also inhuman.
After marriage, new person enters life who may teach lessons against parents. A wise is one who would balance both. On one hand one should love, care and look for parents and on other hand one needs to love spouse. Love, care, concern of any one side should not be at the cost of other side and should not be antagonizing each other when viewed in totality and in overall perspective. So also parents need to make daughter in law their own daughter with pure love. Here instinctive human attitudes of possessiveness or negativities need to be recognized and dealt with due wisdom. One with a human heart and knowing the art of balancing both sides would have heaven here itself.
Loneliness?
So many times the people are heard saying that we have everything outside but inside we feel lonely. Loneliness is the big issue of the present time. Why at all there should be loneliness? You start loving others unconditionally. No sooner you start loving people your heart will be full and there would be no loneliness irrespective of reciprocation. Though as echo you will be loved in return. Wisdom prevails in obliging, in loving not only fellow humans but all living beings as they are ‘me’ only. It is a whole.
Love
World has not seen pure love. What is regarded as love is not really the one. Love is one where there are no ups and downs, no conditions and expectations. Here in the world it is more of a business or give and take relations. So long as one delivers as per expectations one has love but no sooner one fails, love evaporates. It is infatuation where in there is apparent love till one is beautiful and useful but is lost otherwise. In the world mother’s love can be regarded as unconditional and unrelated to expectations.
Godly love or pure love is to be seen only in Gnani Purush. His love is uniform and pure for all living beings and is free of ups and downs. It is same even if you garland him or abuse him. It is free of any material or relative expectations or conditions. ‘God’ or manifest supreme self can be experienced through pure love.